Multitudes of modern boys feel pressured to excel, exhibit ebbing aspiration for real-world pursuits, and report a lack of human connection. Securely settled within an inclusive, Catholic educational vision, St. John’s Prep programming is engineered to meet young men’s needs.
As brow-raising as it may be to source a 200-year-old book about sisters to launch an exploration of educating boys in Gen Z and Gen Alpha, world-renowned novelist Jane Austen fits the bill. In Pride and Prejudice she wrote, “There certainly was some great mismanagement in the education of those two young men. One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it.”
Modern American boys can relate. Not all is good and well with many, in spite of any outward appearances to the contrary. General commentary about “a crisis of boys and men” has consumed plenty of wood pulp in the past two years, and strong data back clear spikes for male adolescents with regard to loneliness, depression, suicidal ideation, and immersion into the metaverse, along with a cascading sense of belonging, agency, and ambition.
Dr. Jason Larocque, the Prep’s associate principal for grades 6, 7, and 8 is aligned with the work of developmental psychologist Niobe Way, who observes that boys tend to form deeply connected, emotionally rich relationships in their preteens, before beginning to internalize narratives and societal norms that front-load themes of autonomy, self-sufficiency, and strength. Larocque also considers St. John’s tailor-made to counter that culture in a healthy and responsible way.
“I think we’re a place where those young adult relationships can continue on that original path, allowing those connections to flourish with permission and without judgment,” he says. “To me, that’s what we mean when we talk about ‘the brotherhood’ here. Not in terms of exclusivity as if there’s no other way to get those relationships. But, on this campus, they have permission to latch on to those friendships unapologetically. In fact, it’s encouraged.”
Merely opening a door to a new way of interacting can’t hold back the tide of socialization that occurs outside of school hours. In almost all genres of media, the narrative discourse for boys is absent, “the exploration of friendship or relationships, or the need to manage other peoples’ emotional needs,” writes Ruth Whippman, author of BoyMom. In the most reductive sense, for boys, the bulldozer/fire engine stage becomes the Marvel superhero phase, which becomes the TikTok age.
Those are powerful motifs. And relatively monochromatic. As New York Times columnist David Brooks writes, “The culture is still searching for a modern masculine ideal. It is not instilling in many boys the nurturing and emotional skills that are so desperately important today.” There’s science involved, too. The male prefrontal cortex develops more slowly, which results in a higher attenuation to sensation-seeking in adolescence (read: the urge to do something more active or fun). That means less impulse control on top of unrefined planning and organization skills as well as a greater inclination toward coalitional competition.
Consequently, in many educational settings, boys feel like square pegs hammered into round holes. Nearly a quarter of school-age boys in the U.S. have been diagnosed with a developmental disability (ADHD is most common)—twice the rate of girls. Circumstances of class and race compound these realities. “It seems clear to me that it’s the system which is disabling rather than the boys who are disabled,” says author and social scientist Richard Reeves. “The ‘problems’ of boys are structural rather than individual … (and the) problems of boys have turned into the problems with boys.”
Nature and nurture are the bread and butter of human behavior in our collective consciousness, but anthropologists include a third driver that’s not widely mentioned: agency. As in, our personal initiative. Conor Dowley, director of school counseling at St. John’s, believes this intangible flows from self-esteem and confidence, which are often born of experiential learning supported by both adult mentorship and an example set by peers.
“Organically navigating St. John’s Prep as a student tends to nudge you to consider who you want to be,” he says. “On the other hand, what’s very intentional from School leadership on down is consistently spreading a shared message to young men on campus about taking this time here to explore different opportunities to learn about yourself. And when the guys next to you are doing that at the same time, you begin to understand the benefits of being vulnerable with your peers. I think that opens pathways to great connections and bonds, which better prepare these boys for moments of challenge.”
Are we talking about developing ambition through groupthink?
“Kids take on so many different dimensions of growth here,” explains Dowley. “I think there’s the micro, one-on-one building of resilience, and there’s also a rising-tide-lifts-all-boats component. So, you get good at building resilience because you’re not going at it alone. At some point in life, everyone needs a sounding board or someone to pick them up and encourage them in a positive direction to build momentum again. Think of St. John’s as a training ground for that.”
DO AS I DO
The rise of what social psychologist Jonathan Haidt calls “the technological entertainment revolution” has been accompanied by declining participation in community organizations, clubs, and religious networks. For their part, teenage boys spend two hours less a week than girls on in-person socializing and seven hours more on screens. That pull on boys is gravitational. “We’ve got to make the real world more appealing for them,” says Haidt.
St. John’s Principal/Associate Head of School Dr. Keith Crowley contends the best disposition from which to achieve that end is face-to-face. A systemic, uncontrived, and relentlessly earnest approach to education. The structural and spiritual support for building community and cultivating enduring personal relationships has been a fixture at St. John’s since 1907. By the same token, the Prep experience has evolved to meet the needs of young men living in the second quarter of the 21st century. The School’s social-emotional dimensions have grown more customized.
“Our evidence-based approach over the past two decades [with regard to the social-emotional piece] has promoted a greater and more healthy understanding of who we are as a School in all three domains,” says Crowley. “It’s about how best to minister to the whole person in a way that allows them to be more successful in regulating, responding to, and being accountable for curating their overall wellness as they move forward.”
The Prep’s focus is to foster lessons of problem-solving, critical thinking, and reflection so students progressively learn as much about themselves as they do the classroom content. Ultimately, says Crowley, that’s where St. John’s is at its best as an institution and how it most effectively offsets the structural deficiencies that Reeves calls out.
“Our educational mission is preparing students to meet the challenges of the world in whatever they enter into, but also to ensure they also know how to self-care and manage and positively influence others,” says Crowley. “That’s going to allow them to be present and to be servant leaders, because they’re going to be able to give more of themselves if they’re taking care of themselves.”
As Director of St. John’s Center for Learning and Academic Success (CLAS), Lori Dunn maintains that the accountability piece is as integral for adults on campus as it is for students. “CLAS is in a unique position to normalize a need for support,” she says. “A message we try to promote is, you can be very high-level intellectually and also benefit from input and support. Our staff owns that. We all bring different gifts to this work, and we’re open about saying to a student, ‘Hey, I can help with this particular skill, but for this other skill, as an adult, lifelong learner, I may not be the best person to help. This other person is a better resource.’ Our job at CLAS is to meet students where they are with a shared acknowledgement of their areas for growth, but in the process, we’re highlighting their areas of strength.”
Senior Community of Concern leaders Anthony Tammaro ’25, JP Sullivan ’25, and Harrison Waldman ’25 spearheaded efforts to raise awareness around suicide prevention this past September. Run through School Counseling, Community of Concern is a peer-to-peer organization that aims to foster healthy decision-making.
English teacher Pam Leete, also a member of the Prep’s Academic Council, says the portrait of a St. John’s graduate should reflect a young man who has undertaken their high school journey as a blueprint for success, whatever comes next.
“As stewards of that journey, we need to provide opportunities for discomfort at the same time we provide a safety net and support,” she says, likening the process to parents removing the training wheels from a child’s bicycle. “I tell my students that they’re going to fall. And very much like my own children, I’m not going to help you up, but I’m going to stand by you and help you stand up on your own. I think that’s the all-caps version of compassion. It helps them embrace the possibility—and my perspective is through the use of literature—that anything is possible.”
SEEING IS BELIEVING
Antonio Cavalcanti ’24 considers himself a representative case study of the Prep experience. Now at Boston College, he recalls that St. John’s inspired him to aspire to something greater even before he matriculated.
“It started during my tour [as a prospective student],” he says. “I saw all these very presentable young men. The students looked so developed and like they knew where they were heading. I was like, ‘I want to be that.’”
For Cavalcanti, that feeling only grew. Finding a friend group was followed by real familiarity with everyone in his class. He built relationships with faculty and gradually drew upon their passion for and mastery of their subject matter.
“It’s an environment where you feel able to grow because everyone definitely wants the best for each other,” he says. “I looked up to so many different people in my grade and I know kids looked up to me and it was a very mutual relationship throughout. I had a low sense of confidence when I came to the Prep and by senior year, I was doing public speaking and very comfortable approaching new people and starting a conversation. I think that was all St. John’s.”
The programmatic supports backing Cavalcanti’s trajectory are as abundant at the Prep as they are pivotal.
“I think there are so many opportunities here for students from grades six to 12—whether it be campus ministry, our wellness programming, our leadership programming, the breadth of arts and athletics—that we put them in situations where they have to self-reflect,” says Dr. Steve Brown, assistant principal for student life. “They have to talk with each other and become accountability partners for what is supporting their growth and what’s not.”
Director of Campus Ministry Rob Tyler says the deeper discoveries happen by prompting all Prep students to reflect on and consider how they see themselves in their relationships, how those relationships have formed them, and, ultimately, their relationship with God and who God is to them. “What do you think God wants for you in your life? Are you responding to God’s call? Where is the message of who you think God wants you to be coming from? Are you allowing yourself space to listen to God? That’s a big part of our approach.”
In the context of that exploration of faith—young men’s relationship with God, Jesus, the Church, the divine—Brown thinks wider cultural norms can serve as a navigational tool for St. John’s students in terms of how they respond to what society is telling them to be. The cheat code is slowing down those challenging moments of the school day so they become growth opportunities. “That comes from an intentional investigation of how you meet those moments,” he says. “I think what we do really well here is help them ask: ‘Is this or that cultural compass heading true, and is it authentic to me, does it make the most sense for me, and does it help serve others?’”
Since empathy and the ability to listen are fundamental ingredients to being human, Brown’s hope is that St. John’s awakens students to cultural tension points, urges reflection and discussion, and ultimately helps them determine if a behavior or habit helps them be the best version of themselves.
Sean Sennott P'24, Religious Studies Department Chair, senses a growing interrelationship between the intellectual work of the classroom and prayer and liturgy at the School. The coursework helps students gain a richer understanding of who they are as individuals and where they are in their journey. The exploration of faith encourages them to “reflect on how I relate in healthy ways with my brothers at the Prep and how that informs my understanding of my relationship with God,” says Sennott. “I think that’s profoundly grounding. I think all-boys, Catholic education has a very important role to play in helping boys get connected with each other, with God, and with themselves.”
“Gaining a healthier understanding of who we are and being attentive to our relationships and our relationship with God prepares us for a lot of the challenges that we’re going to face,” adds Crowley. “The idea of ‘grit’ doesn’t mean failing to recognize or acknowledge emotions, and it doesn't mean compartmentalizing or ignoring or repressing them. Catholic schools are centered on values and values-clarification and helping students develop their own value system. Within that tradition, I think those things are even more essential now. Ultimately, we’re able to give the space and grace for students to take the risks necessary to gain a better grasp of how they see the world and how they see themselves contributing to it.”
This is the formative experience that instills students with the ideals to embrace all people as created in God’s image and likeness and to impact every situation they encounter for the benefit of others. And it’s in no small part a consequence of Hardiman’s heartfelt entreaties throughout the school year that the community “affirm and accept all people in their giftedness and limitations so we may build a community in which all are known, valued and loved.”
SETTING THE TABLE
Religious studies teacher Stephen Ruemenapp has spent most of his career in education teaching at all-boys schools. He learned a long time ago that adolescent males often show affection by razzing or being sarcastic with one another. In his classroom at the Prep, he calls it out.
“I think that behavior sets an atmosphere where guys don’t feel comfortable talking to each other,” says Ruemenapp. “We spend the first week or so really getting to know each other. I even give them a quiz on what they know about each other. I think we build a sense of community because there’s no judgement, and it becomes a place where guys feel comfortable sharing important things with one another. The longer I’m in this gig, it’s what I try to do more and more of.”
Leete paints with the same brush.
“It’s important for the students to connect with adults in a variety of contexts, so they see us as people, not just academic or authority figures—and the Prep provides so many of those opportunities,” she says. “When they see us authentically as human, that bridges gaps and strengthens the bonds of our community.”
In the broad strokes and in the filigree, St. John’s leans into a message of mutual respect and fellowship. A promise that no one on campus walks alone.
Tyler, echoing Cavalcanti, says this starts for students on day one. “Something students constantly report is that we welcome people well,” he says. “From the Middle School program to freshmen orientation and many other events, we start this off on a very positive note, which helps them feel right away like this is a place of belonging.”
Those beginnings set the table for the St. John’s community to deliver on its mission.
“We want you to know the people around you beyond what sits on the surface,” says Tyler. “That comes from creating an environment in which kids feel safe, kids feel supported, and kids feel like they’re not being judged by peers or adults, but rather, celebrated. It’s about creating a sense of all of us, not just some of us.
“That sense of ‘brotherhood’ is where kids can hear each other and understand each other and recognize that they’re probably not alone in whatever it is that they’re dealing with,” he adds. “At the same time, we try to make them understand that our own experience is not universal. We try to get them to ask, ‘Does someone on this campus need me to walk with them?’
The evolving journey at St. John’s Prep highlights the strength found in community and in openness, illustrating how an intentional and consistent educational model can profoundly influence the personal growth and relationships of young men. Through structured programs and empathetic guidance, the Prep instills values that empower students to embrace their identities and forge meaningful connections, creating a lasting legacy within the school culture.
For Larocque, the precise construct within a school for boys matters. “Synergy between identity, mission, discourse, and behavior ensures better outcomes for all humans close to [our students], both at home and at school,” he wrote in his doctoral dissertation. That’s a big reason Crowley thinks the educational practices at St. John’s so clearly lay out the stepping stones toward emotional intelligence, growth, and improved mental health.
“Folks here come at things from a place of trying to build upon the strengths of boys,” he says. “And if you affirm the strengths and you recognize their giftedness and you enter into relationships with them, they see possibilities as opposed to a pattern they need to replicate or a preconceived notion they need to aspire to.
“Our goal is to get them to understand that exploration, curiosity, creative pursuits, and all the things they’re called to be and do and engage in here—all of that gives them the potential for a deeper understanding of who they are and how they might find their place in whatever community they find themselves.”
P.S. Read about the Prep alumnus who helps design cruise ships for a living.
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